Journal entry

The Road to the Top of the Mountain

The Road

I was on my way to prayer garden in Prayer Mountain when my church mate invited me to pass by the mountainside instead, showing me a passage. I was convinced because it looks like a decent passageway – like duh, what could go wrong?

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Le actual passage.

And it was okay, I’m actually enjoying it. Until my heart started to thump and knees shook as the passageway start to become narrow and steep. Just wrong step you could slip and fall. I kept on gripping on the small branches and roots on the right side; on the left is the cliff. I had no idea that’s what we’d go through – I wasn’t prepared! Thankfully it wasn’t yet time for my family to claim my insurance. (Phew!) I was greatly nervous. I even said, perhaps I could do all things after this. It’s a hard thing to do especially I have fear of heights. It’s one of the experiences I will never forget. And take note: a life-threatening one – no harness involved!

As I rest on the prayer garden, my heart still thumping from the adrenaline, others asked me if I was okay. I didn’t look like someone who came from a prayer. I did, but you couldn’t read my face because the experience shook me and because I was part blaming my friend why did she brought me there and without a warning of what kind of road we’d be in.

That experience is somehow like our journey towards our dreams. Easy at first but becomes challenging along the way. There were a lot of times that I wanted to quit and go back. But I need to move forward. You couldn’t do something if you wouldn’t try. The more you travel on the journey, the harder it becomes. You’ll come to a point where it is most exhausting – when you’re going uphill. But with perseverance, faith that the Lord will not leave you, overcoming your fears, and pressing on the journey – you’ll eventually make it. You’ll get tired, you’ll feel nervous, and you’ll even ask yourself, why did I do this? Why am I doing this? What am I thinking?? But after everything, at the end of the journey you will realize, I did that?? You’ll feel glad you have made it and you can now say, I can do it. I have actually done it.

I also remembered one of the reasons I was afraid during the hike was because I had a shoulder bag. I felt like it was pulling me down because it was heavy and it’s on the cliff side. So apart from my shaking body, I had to carry my heavy bag and not let it be the cause of my fall. Same with if you want to go somewhere. It’s not easy to go there, so you must not have any baggage (especially heavy!) that makes it harder to move, to keep on going. We shouldn’t have life baggages with us on the journey in order to focus. Your focus must be on the destination, not on the heavy baggage that pulls you down, or else it will slow you down or not make it at all.

Sometimes we also blame others or the Lord why He had to make us go through a tough road? It can be on an easy, smooth one. But if we are to go on an easy one, you will not be challenged. And if you will not be challenged, you will not appreciate the effort to success. You will not learn how to strive and be strong through it all. Sometimes we have to take the journey in a challenging way, not to make us suffer but to mold and strengthen our character.

Blog version of my journal entry dated February 11, 2017. Original photo, edited on Canva.

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If you’re in a situation right now that you cannot understand, you’re hurting, you’re getting tired, or you’re just sick of it all and wanted to give up just because you started something thinking your life will change – think about this: if you stop and go back, will it be all worth it? What was the reason why you started at all? Can you imagine yourself retreating and going back to your former life? Will you risk your better tomorrow – your dreams?

Will you give up now that you’re in the middle of the journey, of your battle? Will you waste whatever you started?

If your answer is no and you want your old mess of a life to truly change, get up. Remember why you started. Remember the reason you are here at all. Envision once again your dreams, the future that you’ve been so wanting to have then go. Move on. Life is not easy. You will face problems and challenges along the way. You will fall and make mistakes. You will be hurt. But remember this: you yourself will either be your worst enemy or best friend. Will you lose yourself to self-pity and just give up or will you give your ear to hear that faint sound your heart makes, “keep going”?

Everyone is afraid of the climb. Just looking at the top of the mountain makes your knees weak already. But as the quote said: “Life’s the climb but the view is great.” It will be great and it will be worth it. Whatever happens, I hope everyone of us will strive to see that view.

Yours,

Black Butterfly

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